Attention Deficit Disorder

Could use advice

Question:

Does anyone have any advice. It would be greatly appreciated.

Try getting him to a local ADD support group. Seeing others with it and hearing their story helps vs. the lecture and observe method. Maybe if he sees that there are other ADD’rs that don’t have hunch backs or massive growths all over their heads he might be more apt to take a better look at himself. And in his case, I suggest he’d be a good one to introduce to some of the books and attitudes of "ADD the gift" line of thinking so he’d be less inclined to put up the defenses for having but yet another flaw. obsessive,compulsive,with ADD,SAD,extropian and mystical views,as well as a pragmatic optimist,preocupied with essoteric subject matter,the Web and immortality. Otherwise normal and happy as hell thanks

Response:

Janice, Jenwolf offered excellent advice.  If he is abusing you, and especially if he also is not interested in getting help, your best bet is to leave.  His problems may be too big for you to handle.  You have to recognize whether you are equipped to handle his problems. One very important comment I have is that ADD people and especially ADHD people have great difficulty seeing that they have any problem at all.  ADD people tend see problems as coming from anywhere except themselves. My 15-year-old ADD child insists that he sees no difference when he is on medication and when he is off medication.  Instead of seeing any difference in himself, he sees that other people treat him better when he is on medication.  However, everyone else sees that his behavior and language are very very different under medication.  He is much more polite and considerate under medication.  He also gets more work done and pleases his boss and teachers when he is on medication. I think there may be hope for your boyfriend to get help, however.  If he experiences pressure from many people, not just from you, then he may cave in and see a doctor.  His seeing a doctor is not guaranteed, of course. However, general and extremely high pressure from his family, you, his friends, his coworkers, and so forth, could convince him to go to a doctor even though he does not see anything wrong with his behavior and is unconvinced that he has some distorted perceptions. Your leaving him because he will not see a doctor may help him to decide to see a doctor.  Thus, your leaving him could protect yourself and your expected child, and could help him at the same time. Of course, you are much more familiar with the situation than I.  Only you can decide if my ideas make any sense. –Ron

Hi, I am convinced that my 42 year old boyfriend has ADHD. I have found many web sites to show him that he exhibits most of the signs and symptoms of ADHD. I even found a written test online for him to take. He scored very high which confirmed ADHD. I’ve spoken to his

… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -not his fault. I asked him to find a psychiatrist and get tested. I’ve offered to go to therapy with him to learn how to deal with ADHD. But he does not want to get help. He does not think there is anything wrong with him. He says "I’m not that bad". He thinks I’m saying he’s bad. In addition since he was a difficult child to deal with I’m sure he has had terrible things said to him growing up. He has a big problem accepting responsibility for things he does. He has built so many walls. Everyone else can’t be wrong all the time. Does anyone have any advice. It would be greatly appreciated.

Response:

He scored very high which confirmed ADHD.

Still, he ought to see a doctor who really knows ADD. At one time he was on medication. He does not recall the name of the medication my guess is ritalin.

Does his family know, can the medical records be obtained or forwarded to another doctor? I am also pregnant and am very concerned that the baby will also have ADHD.

It is thought to be genetic. I’ve explained that he is not a bad person and that he is not sick just different.

Explained it to him? Maybe a doctor or therapist ought to be doing that part of it? potential. But he tends to pull me into his caotic world. He gets enraged. He has a problem with structure. He processes things differently. I see it as a distortion of reality. I’ve tried to help but he can be overpowering. This is very frustrating. I’m trying really hard to keep focused on the fact that what he does and says is not his fault.

If this guy is abusing you in any way, *ADD or not,* then you need to get away from him until he can get it under control. It may not be his fault, and it’s *surely* not yours. I asked him to find a psychiatrist and get tested. I’ve offered to go to therapy with him to learn how to deal with ADHD. But he does not want to get help.

Then he will not get help. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. In addition since he was a difficult child to deal with I’m sure he has had terrible things said to him growing up.

Who didn’t? Everyone else can’t be wrong all the time.

That’s arguable in my opinion. Quite frankly, *I’m* sick of being "disordered" because everyone else thinks differently from the way I do. Does anyone have any advice. It would be greatly appreciated.

If he’s hurting you, leave. If the whole thing is too frustrating for you, leave. Otherwise, you have a lot of hard work ahead if he doesn’t want help. It’s his choice, you can’t force it. http://www.geocities.com/soho/gallery/2592 if i can’t be me then i am not free give liberty and give me death

Response:

Hi, I am convinced that my 42 year old boyfriend has ADHD. I have found many web sites to show him that he exhibits most of the signs and symptoms of ADHD. I even found a written test online for him to take. He scored very high which confirmed ADHD. I’ve spoken to his family members who confirm that as a child he was very different and difficult to deal with he was hyper, fidgity, easily distracted he did poorly in school and was angry alot. At one time he was on medication. He does not recall the name of the medication my guess is ritalin. He himself admits he could not stay still and he was difficult. He refuses to see that there is a problem. I am also pregnant and am very concerned that the baby will also have ADHD. I’ve explained that he is not a bad person and that he is not sick just different. He is a really great person, very sweet, intellegent and funny. He has great potential. But he tends to pull me into his caotic world. He gets enraged. He has a problem with structure. He processes things differently. I see it as a distortion of reality. I’ve tried to help but he can be overpowering. This is very frustrating. I’m trying really hard to keep focused on the fact that what he does and says is not his fault. I asked him to find a psychiatrist and get tested. I’ve offered to go to therapy with him to learn how to deal with ADHD. But he does not want to get help. He does not think there is anything wrong with him. He says "I’m not that bad". He thinks I’m saying he’s bad. In addition since he was a difficult child to deal with I’m sure he has had terrible things said to him growing up. He has a big problem accepting responsibility for things he does. He has built so many walls. Everyone else can’t be wrong all the time. Does anyone have any advice. It would be greatly appreciated.

Response:

Filed under: Ritalin for ADD and ADHD

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